quit wasting my time and say what's on your mind.
anyway, sorry about bothering you. i wont' anymore if you don like it.

so, i got played out and out of concern, i was titled being overreacting. so much for being concern and end up being accused. talk about friendship. my 2 best friends giving me the cold shoulder just hanging out with her. and guess what, my girlfriend, rather my friends to me. woah, and even after they ganging up lying to me, she thinks i'm being jealous for nothing? what more the testimonial that she wrote for him. if i wasn't human, i'd won't even care. but she's my girlfriend for christ sake, why the hell shouldn't i not care and not get jealous. it just makes no sense. she thinks i'm being unfair to her. yea, her definition of unfair sure is unfair. she said i didn't trust her. well. how to when she tells me one thing and many others tell me another. i told her, and she hit me back by saying i plainly just don't trust her. not that i don. but how did she appear with her friends when she said she was busy the entire day. she even told my 2 best friends not to tell me. yea, she was with them enjoying while i was rotting the shit out of me at home. how congenial is that. if it wasn't for the blurting out of the incidient. i'd probaby be kept a shit fool now.

she said i was making her sad by complaining and not trusting her. i called her with another number. guess what, she was laughing and joking. err, right. and my 2 so-called best friends were there. i heard their voices. messaged them, no reply. why ? to not alert me. but guess what, i wasn't born yesterday people. so who's the unfair one here. so many sleepless night i endured just thinkin about her, and first, she says i'm overreacting, and secondly, she doesn't care. a victim of certain circumstances, i just don understand why she wont' believe me. everything i do, still it's for her. and it turns out to be my fault. where am i supposed to go from here. what am i supposed to do. i believed in them. my friends. i trusted them. but instead, i got played out. busted-
and i guess i won't be needing to pass her the card anymore since she said it herself her friends are more important.

don wanna live in this world anymore. don wanna endure all these shit crap no more. she said she regrets being with me. she thinks i'm being unfair. my friends giving me the cold shoulder cause of this. everyone acting like i don exist. what more a guy who's not slept for 2 whole days thinkin about the on-goings. and got sick as a result. fever, he's probably dying but no one knows anything. no one cares. busted- and i can't be bothered with the fuck things happening in this world. i've had enough. days after days of continuous setbacks. i'm not superman. i'm not made of metal. already tired i am. i don wanna continue any further. god, take me away from this fucking cruel world.

let me be me. don wanna sink any further. and fucking wish i'd died.

Zachary fell apart on 6:03:00 PM.

i trusted you, but you played me out. not once, but twice. if it wasn't for them, i'd probably still be kept in the dark.

in the shadows, sometimes i feel that i should go and play with the thunder. somehow, i just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder.

Zachary fell apart on 7:48:00 PM.

Sometimes i feel so down, i feel so disconnected.

Abstinence befalls me. and the sudden emptiness inside of me. it's just a feeling i frequently feel, yet unaware of all that is going on. the complicated thinking of people's minds. the one many different behaviour that common people do not share of. the differences of the similarities that seems to clash almost everytime. no matter how hard i try, i just can't seem to figure it. i'm ain't no prodigy, but i'm hardly even near.

Somehow, i know i'm haunted to be wanted.

in the shadows i stay. many unaware of me. i'm just some nobody. perhaps someone irritating. probably that explains why i'm constantly seeking solace. i've had enough of rejections. from people, from everyone, everything. for tomorrow, for all my life. i constantly feel something's missing. i can't feel it. hear, see, touch. neither. watching, waiting. perhaps...

Zachary fell apart on 10:31:00 PM.

what can i say? just another normal school day. except we didn't really had lessons. ok, we didn't have any. just plain crapping. probably that explains why i like and don like my class. the noise, ugh. the no-studying policy, hail !! ok. maybe things are alittle out of control since the opening of school. blame it on the holidays. my memory is totally wipe-out. bah.

ok, blame it on my hot-temperness. probably that explains the one-sided conversation between us yesterday. probably that's how it sparked off. just the lethargic side of me that took over. and my mind was just filled with so much shit. sorry about all that hassle anyway. chill...

Zachary fell apart on 9:24:00 PM.

the beautiful sunset pictured in my head. no, it's not another of my vivid imaginations that stirs everything up, hence the mess. it was one magnificient sunset, one that i witnessed in singapore. thoughts kept running through my mind. i was thinking, whether things would always end like a fairytale. initially, i had that thinking. but it grew fader as time pass. the more i try to hold back that scene. the more lost i get.

and with the friendship factor. i doubt i can hold on much longer. i'm losing grip. not just a simple matter as it seems on the surface. it's complicated, complex. people don know me. i'm such an eyesore. perhaps it's wrong of me to even exist. nevermind. to who it may concern. i won't bother you again. i didn't know i was that bad. you could have said it in a pipue. but there won't be smoke without fire. so it has to be a reason for you to say this. call me petty, stupid, anything, lest to irritate you further. anyhow. i considered u as a good friend. maybe i was being a little harsh. but i don think you deserve such a person like me who irritates you. it was fun, then. solitude doesn't really matter to me in anyway. i'm ... used to it.

and school today, nothing much to describe it. it suck though.

Zachary fell apart on 8:04:00 PM.